How It All Began

2001 was my Annus Horribilis. Actually it was a culmination of a few years if I am truthful.

In February 2000 on my 45th birthday I was officially declared menopausal and given the prescription for my happy pills. To celebrate my birthday my husband and I took a flight to Cape Town for an extended long weekend. Running our own business meant holidays were few and far between and inevitably included work as part of the deal.

Instead of doing the usual tourist routes we elected to explore the West Coast. I was hooked. The wildness, endless white beaches interspersed with wild rocky coves and bays, fishing villages, fynbos, flamingoes, salt pans and very few people. I did not want to go home.

Something inside me began to stir, a restlessness I had never felt before. Having grown up as a beach babe in Durban it suddenly hit me how much I missed the sea. I had been living in Gauteng for more than 20 years.

We returned home to our lovely 7 acre smallholding north of Johannesburg but I could not settle. I would spend hours sitting cross legged in the middle of the vast expanse of lawn staring out into the distance while the Plovers played chicken with our dogs.

Our regular Friday night entertainment was taking the boys to Sandton Square where they could meet buddies or watch a movie and we would have a meal and browse Exclusive Books. It was here that I found a book that changed the course of my life forever. A Year By The Sea: Thoughts of an unfinished Woman written by Joan Anderson 

I realised I had no clue who I was; all I knew was that I was deeply unhappy and in the process making everyone around me unhappy too. Friends were getting terminally ill and dying,I hated my job and all I could see ahead of me were another 40 years of the same grind.

But, how and what could I change? For more than 10 years I had been co-owner of our family business; I could not see a way to extricate myself. My younger son was about to do matric, I needed to be there for him. My older son had joined the business and I was mentoring him.

Ready to go

Impulsively I signed up for Financial Management courses via UNISA hoping it would give me a new challenge. I joined the Governing Body of my son’s school and so began a chain of events that led to me completely losing the plot. I escaped home and work and spent every waking hour at the school immersing myself in a completely different environment. I was happy and felt appreciated for the first time in years. 

In 2001 I achieved more than I had in the previous decade but at enormous cost; physically, emotionally and professionally. I finally crashed and sadly what should have been a high ended up as a period I am not at all proud of. I let family, friends and colleagues down.

There was no going back. I needed to get away which is what I did. I packed my backpack and got on an aeroplane and flew to Greece. Just before leaving I even did a quick Teach English as a Foreign Language Course (TEFL) in case I decided not to return.

My husband and sons were hurt, angry and bewildered. I was beyond caring. I had gone over the edge and needed to find my way.